Nuisance

Whenever people/member/fren, talk/disciple/scold me, i could felt a sour-sour taste in my heart. I wanna change, but whenever i'm step closer to be a changed man, something will pull mii back to square 1. It's like whenever i wanna fellowship wif members, someone/something will draw my attention. It's like i'm called/needed/wanted to the things, someone will do that thing on the behalf of me. I just wanna help, but why are these chances/opportunities are gone? Haven't someone understand the thoughts that i have? Am i really a nuisance/rotten apple? Or am i a member/fren that is well-received/respect?